Giggles' Blog

Ah, the Internet, a marvelous invention. A marvelous “intention” more like it, but hey, things in life don’t usually go as planned. And I’m sure that the inventors of the internet had no concept of what they had created when they gave humanity a chance to run loose in a toy-world with all the trimmings: fast sales transactions, easy sex, illegal free stuff, and most important…. anonymity.

But here you are, in my blog. I’m somebody you don’t know, somebody you don’t care to know, somebody who has probably already lost your attention with all that whimsical internet-philosophy bullpuckey in the previous paragraph. More than that, I’m a writer for this website, YOUNGMANRIDGE, which holds an offshoot branch known as THE STINKYARD that I write for more often than not.

My sitemate Shortstick and myself put more than a few hours a week into this website, and we make no money for it. That’s okay though. Things shouldn’t be done always for money or recognition. My only hope is that somebody will occasionally stumble on an article and enjoy themselves.

I mean, if I could make money doing this I would. Shit, yeah. But who’s going to give me money just to read an article about a crappy horror movie? Not you. And not the next guy, gal. But like I said before, it shouldn’t be about the money or becoming notorious. Yet, I’m starting to understand your position. If you trully can’t get a good night’s sleep without paying me four or five dollars for every word written, I guess I can put my values aside and take your money. I’m okay, don’t worry about me, I’ll get over it. I’ll at least try.

So, in a nut, this introductory blog has been a waste of space. It’s fine… I’ve done worse things with my time… Nobody will read this anyway; there’s no pictures. And even if there were: people would look at them and then click “back” or “forward” or change back to hotchicksfuck.com.

I guess I’m not allowing for everybody though and I don’t want to generalize. There’s probably the hotdudesfuck.com as well. I just haven’t been there before, is all.

But I can’t spend my time writing anymore here tonight. I have a few other websites to check. You know, sites that have more color and pretty things to look at.

Until next time….

HOUSE OF A 1000 CORPSES

Standard rating: 3 stars
Stinkyard rating: 5 Knives

STORY: 6/10
ACTING: 7/10
CREEPINESS: 10/10
DISTURBING: 9/10
DIRECTION: 10/10
F/X: 9/10
Photography: 10/10

This is not a horror movie to put on if you want to have mindless fun, nor is it one that you would recommend to those with dodgy hearts. “House of a 1000 Corpses” is a wicked ride through the surreal psychotic world of one family, and the evil in this film becomes so thick near the end, you have to dry swallow a few times just to endure the skillful displeasure set upon you.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre did the same thing in the 70s. In fact, a lot of “House” resembles TCM, even right down to storyline. This movie is not a remake though, but instead an exaggeration of what the Texas Chainsaw Massacre could have been if it had abandoned ALL rules.

I must admit that I saw the “R” rated version of “House", and in a way I’m very, very glad. I’d like to see the NC-17 just to compare it, but I’m relieved I was worked into this movie slow. There’s a question asked over and over in the film: “Does Dr.Satan exist?” It’s asked so many times one begins to wonder whether the Doc does exist. And you’ll never believe the hellish answer to the riddle once its laid in front of you.

There’s no getting around giving this movie its red-dripping accolades. If a horror movie sets out to horrify, this movie does its job with percision. The victims in the movie are pretty typical teenage doofises, but the demented family each have a unique personality and rapport with each other. Even down to one sexy, lusty blonde woman, every family member is insane in their own way.

Had this movie not been so similar to TCM on some structural level, I might have given it 4 stars. In a lot of ways, this movie is almost… better. Rob Zombie has taken everything he knows about horror and made a massive, terrifying collision. From everything I heard before seeing “House", I anticipated it being exploitation horror, which I’m not a big fan of— I don’t like seeing someone bound to a chair for an hour and a half as they are meticulously tortured; doesn’t appeal to my tastes in cinema. Yet, this movie is always moving in one sinister direction after another, and it surprisingly has many humorous moments along the way.

Certainly, there may be more exploitative moments in the NC-17 version, but I don’t think it can diminish at all Zombie’s impressive work.

The scene that sticks out the most:
A long pullback, showing a man on his knees and somebody holding a gun to his head. The scene’s duration is stretched out for almost a minute before anything happens. No talking, no movement, just silence and your mounting anticipation.

Now that’s great filmmaking.